AID IS REAL
Accidents take a second but
Sufferings may last a lifetime !
Please ensure dat
Condoms & Helmets
are worn on
appropriate 'Heads'
during 'Respective Rides..
Sufferings may last a lifetime !
Please ensure dat
Condoms & Helmets
are worn on
appropriate 'Heads'
during 'Respective Rides..
Especially when riding vehicles that
don't belong to you.. ;) =))
Ahhh ahhh your mind is
dirty......what u think is not what I mean ohhhhhhhhh
BANK MANAGER
A bank manager got confused with his
calculations, so he asked his secretary to help him out,
Bank mgr : Secretary???
Secretary : Sir!!!
Bank mgr : Pls "I have #23,000,000 (23 million naira), what will you take off to get 25 % of d money
Secretary : "Sir, honestly, I will take off my blouse,
my skirt,
my bra even my pants sir
Bank mgr : Secretary???
Secretary : Sir!!!
Bank mgr : Pls "I have #23,000,000 (23 million naira), what will you take off to get 25 % of d money
Secretary : "Sir, honestly, I will take off my blouse,
my skirt,
my bra even my pants sir
LADIES MENTALITY
Guy - I Love U
Girl. - Na lie
Guy - I will die 4 U
Girl. - Its a lie
Guy - I Cant live witout U
Girl. - Its a lie
Guy - I will buy U blackberry Bold
Girl. - hmnn...thanks so much. Are u sure?
Guy - No!!! its a lie
Girl. - Na lie
Guy - I will die 4 U
Girl. - Its a lie
Guy - I Cant live witout U
Girl. - Its a lie
Guy - I will buy U blackberry Bold
Girl. - hmnn...thanks so much. Are u sure?
Guy - No!!! its a lie
STELLA OBJ IN HEAVEN
When Stella OBJ died & got to
heaven, she stood before St.Peter at the Gates & saw a huge wall of clocks,
STELLA: Why all these clocks?
ST. PETER: Those are lie-clocks, everyone has a lie-clock.
When a person lies, the hand on the clock moves.
STELLA: Whose clock is that?
ST. PETER: Thats Nnamdi Azikiwe's clock, the hands have moved twice, meaning Zik told just 2 lies in his life.
STELLA: Where's my husband's clock?
ST. PETER: Obasanjo's clock is in Jesus's office, he's using it as a ceiling fan.
STELLA: Why all these clocks?
ST. PETER: Those are lie-clocks, everyone has a lie-clock.
When a person lies, the hand on the clock moves.
STELLA: Whose clock is that?
ST. PETER: Thats Nnamdi Azikiwe's clock, the hands have moved twice, meaning Zik told just 2 lies in his life.
STELLA: Where's my husband's clock?
ST. PETER: Obasanjo's clock is in Jesus's office, he's using it as a ceiling fan.
DRUNK MEN
3 drunk men stop a taxi & d
driver sensed dey were drunk. After entering d car, d driver started d engine
& turned it off without moving anywhere & said 2 them, 'We don reach
there ohh'
d 1st man gav d driver money,
d 2nd man said thank u,
den d 3rd man gave d driver a slap, D driver was suprised thinkin d 3rd man knew d car didn't move,
so he asked wat was that 4?? D drunk man replied control your speed next time. U almost killed us.
d 1st man gav d driver money,
d 2nd man said thank u,
den d 3rd man gave d driver a slap, D driver was suprised thinkin d 3rd man knew d car didn't move,
so he asked wat was that 4?? D drunk man replied control your speed next time. U almost killed us.
PHONE CALL
Husband nd wife agreed dat anytime
dey want 2 av sex dey will call it FONECALL so dat d kids will nt decode.
1 faithfull day, d husband sent his son to his mum
HUSBAND: Go and tell ur mum dat i wants 2 make a phonecall,
The wife replied : Tell your dad dat network is busy 2day.
Husband: Tell your mum dat if network is busy at home I will go to a public phoneboot,
The Wife replied: Then, tell your Dad dat if he dare go 2 public foneboot then I will open a business center.
1 faithfull day, d husband sent his son to his mum
HUSBAND: Go and tell ur mum dat i wants 2 make a phonecall,
The wife replied : Tell your dad dat network is busy 2day.
Husband: Tell your mum dat if network is busy at home I will go to a public phoneboot,
The Wife replied: Then, tell your Dad dat if he dare go 2 public foneboot then I will open a business center.
BLACKBERRY SAGA
A guy approached a lady telling her
that they should have fun together, the lady agreed because the guy promised
her BB.
After the fun, the guy quickly rushed out to get the BB. Guess what he bought? BREAD and BEANS.
Na here fight con start ohhh.
So tell me, who we go blame for dis mata, d guy or d girl?
After the fun, the guy quickly rushed out to get the BB. Guess what he bought? BREAD and BEANS.
Na here fight con start ohhh.
So tell me, who we go blame for dis mata, d guy or d girl?
MANAGEMENT MUST DO SOMETHING
To surprise her husband, a company
executive's wife decided to stop by her husband's office.
On entering the office, she saw the females secretary sitting on her husbands laps.
In order to defend himself the husband said
"budget cut or no budget cut,
management must do something"
Me and my secretary cannot be sharing this office with just a single seat!!!
On entering the office, she saw the females secretary sitting on her husbands laps.
In order to defend himself the husband said
"budget cut or no budget cut,
management must do something"
Me and my secretary cannot be sharing this office with just a single seat!!!
FEMALE REPRODUCTIVE ORGAN
In a Biology exam, student were
asked to draw the female reproductive organ, as the exam was progressing, a
girl looked between her legs. A boy saw her and shouted
BOY: "Excuse me, Sir!
TEACHER: what happen?
BOY: that girl is cheating
TEACHER: Is is true?
GIRL: hmnnnn yes sir,
TEACHER: o yahh give me what ure copying from
GIRL: its not possible unless if I want to show u sir
BOY: (shouted again) She's copying from the original copy inside her shirt, let her show us oHhhhhh
BOY: "Excuse me, Sir!
TEACHER: what happen?
BOY: that girl is cheating
TEACHER: Is is true?
GIRL: hmnnnn yes sir,
TEACHER: o yahh give me what ure copying from
GIRL: its not possible unless if I want to show u sir
BOY: (shouted again) She's copying from the original copy inside her shirt, let her show us oHhhhhh
UNDERWEAR
Wife: Honey, dis is wat I bought 4 U
today
Husband: underwear!!! Let me see it
Wife: Check it out!! just 1 dozen
Husband: but y do u buy me d same colour
Wife: bcoz I love d colour
Husband: people will think I don't use to change underwear
Wife: Which people hv access to ur underware?
Husband: Hah! Hmmmm.....hmmmmm
Wife: U must tell me ohh!!! Now....... now
Husband: underwear!!! Let me see it
Wife: Check it out!! just 1 dozen
Husband: but y do u buy me d same colour
Wife: bcoz I love d colour
Husband: people will think I don't use to change underwear
Wife: Which people hv access to ur underware?
Husband: Hah! Hmmmm.....hmmmmm
Wife: U must tell me ohh!!! Now....... now
FACEBOOK STATUS
An hungry friend of mine who wants
to deceive people updated his status on facebook saying
"Thk God my salary and all allowances plus Xmas bonus has been paid"
immediately, he got a notification showing that his Landlord, Wife and Parent likes his status.
"Thk God my salary and all allowances plus Xmas bonus has been paid"
immediately, he got a notification showing that his Landlord, Wife and Parent likes his status.
BOSS WINE
Bakari is a house boy who every day
drinks the wine of his Boss. One day When the Boss came back and noticed it,
then Bakari ran to d kitchen.
Boss: (He shouted) 'Bakari!!! Bakari!!!
Bakari: 'Yes Boss'.
Boss: 'Who drank my wine?'.
No answer.
The Boss repeated his question: '
Boss: I said Who drank my wine?'
Still no answer.
Then the Boss went to fetched Bakari from the kitchen and says to him
BOSS: Are u insane or what? Why is it dat when I called u, you said 'yes boss' but when I asked you a question you don't answer me?"
BAKARI: That is d problem boss, when u are in d kitchen, you don't hear anything at all, except the NAME.
To proved Bakari wrong
BOSS: U will stay beside Madam here, I'll go to dat kitchen, & u'll ask me a question,
Bakari accepted and the Boss went in the kitchen.
BAKARI: (Bakari shouted) 'Boss'.
BOSS: (He answered) 'Yes, Bakari'.
BAKARI: (Bakari continued): 'Who goes into the House Girl bedroom when the Madam is not around?
No answer.
BAKARI: 'Boss, I said who use to sleep with d house Girl when madam is nt around?
No answer....
BAKARI: 'Boss, I said who impregnate d House Girl?'
D Boss returns fr d kitchen
BOSS: Bakari, it is true ohh, ure right. When one is in the kitchen, one does not hear anything, only the name.
MADAM: Ehnn...ehnnn...... Bakari, can u pls ask d question again now?
Boss: (He shouted) 'Bakari!!! Bakari!!!
Bakari: 'Yes Boss'.
Boss: 'Who drank my wine?'.
No answer.
The Boss repeated his question: '
Boss: I said Who drank my wine?'
Still no answer.
Then the Boss went to fetched Bakari from the kitchen and says to him
BOSS: Are u insane or what? Why is it dat when I called u, you said 'yes boss' but when I asked you a question you don't answer me?"
BAKARI: That is d problem boss, when u are in d kitchen, you don't hear anything at all, except the NAME.
To proved Bakari wrong
BOSS: U will stay beside Madam here, I'll go to dat kitchen, & u'll ask me a question,
Bakari accepted and the Boss went in the kitchen.
BAKARI: (Bakari shouted) 'Boss'.
BOSS: (He answered) 'Yes, Bakari'.
BAKARI: (Bakari continued): 'Who goes into the House Girl bedroom when the Madam is not around?
No answer.
BAKARI: 'Boss, I said who use to sleep with d house Girl when madam is nt around?
No answer....
BAKARI: 'Boss, I said who impregnate d House Girl?'
D Boss returns fr d kitchen
BOSS: Bakari, it is true ohh, ure right. When one is in the kitchen, one does not hear anything, only the name.
MADAM: Ehnn...ehnnn...... Bakari, can u pls ask d question again now?
WHY DO NIGERIANS LIKE SAYING THINGS TWICE?????
O ya check this out.........
magomago, crycry, follofollo, puffpuff, chinchin, kulikuli, wakawaka,
moimoi, jedijedi, sharpsharp, yoriyori, gbomogbomo, mumu,
truetrue, borrowborrow, lielie, lailai, fearfear, touchtouch,
talktalk, holyholy, jigijigi, jagajaga, kiakia, mazamaza,
scatterscatter, potopoto, kabukabu, wuruwuru, palapala,
worryworry kirikiri bugebuge gadagada.
Wohhhh I'm tired of this "yanmayanma" jorhhhhhhhhhhhhh
magomago, crycry, follofollo, puffpuff, chinchin, kulikuli, wakawaka,
moimoi, jedijedi, sharpsharp, yoriyori, gbomogbomo, mumu,
truetrue, borrowborrow, lielie, lailai, fearfear, touchtouch,
talktalk, holyholy, jigijigi, jagajaga, kiakia, mazamaza,
scatterscatter, potopoto, kabukabu, wuruwuru, palapala,
worryworry kirikiri bugebuge gadagada.
Wohhhh I'm tired of this "yanmayanma" jorhhhhhhhhhhhhh
CAN U IMAGINE??????
Guyz should join me in thanking and
praising Baba GOD for His blessings αnd favor in my life . I tell you guys, its
good to have the fear of God at heart and to be honest.
I was coming home Wednesday evening after a hectic day and found a small bag on the ground. I opened it and behold what I found inside; $20,000 dollars!! Fear first catch me, but I took the bag home and when ...I emptied It, I found some Documents, ID card, ATM card and an Iphone. I thought about
throwing the sim away and keep the phone and also dispose the documents and keep the money. After a long thought, I decided to leave things as they were, hoping that the owner would call.
Not long after a call came through on the Iphone, I picked and talked with the caller. Apparently it was the owner of the bag coz he named absolutely every content of the bag. We met afterwards and i handed him the bag. he offered me $2,000 dollars but i turned it down , he collected my number and i left.
Yesterday he called me and offered me a job at Chevron worth 750,000 Naira per month, a 3 bedroom flat fully furnished, and a 2012 BMW X6 As I was smiling and testing the car my brother just slapped me and said "Oya Oya Oya Wake up!! Eba don ready!"
May this never be ur case, may urs be real and not just a dream..........So u can't shout Amen abi?????????
I was coming home Wednesday evening after a hectic day and found a small bag on the ground. I opened it and behold what I found inside; $20,000 dollars!! Fear first catch me, but I took the bag home and when ...I emptied It, I found some Documents, ID card, ATM card and an Iphone. I thought about
throwing the sim away and keep the phone and also dispose the documents and keep the money. After a long thought, I decided to leave things as they were, hoping that the owner would call.
Not long after a call came through on the Iphone, I picked and talked with the caller. Apparently it was the owner of the bag coz he named absolutely every content of the bag. We met afterwards and i handed him the bag. he offered me $2,000 dollars but i turned it down , he collected my number and i left.
Yesterday he called me and offered me a job at Chevron worth 750,000 Naira per month, a 3 bedroom flat fully furnished, and a 2012 BMW X6 As I was smiling and testing the car my brother just slapped me and said "Oya Oya Oya Wake up!! Eba don ready!"
May this never be ur case, may urs be real and not just a dream..........So u can't shout Amen abi?????????
GET THE REAL DEFINITION OF WORDS
LOVE: is letting your girlfriend eat
d suya, while u eat only the onions..
WEALTH: is when you buy a 1st class return ticket to the UK just to pick up a dress..(Money speaking)
TROUBLE: is slapping a soldier in front of quarter guard in a barracks.. (Other people will tell the story on ur behalf)
FAITH: is using the last money on you to buy a wallet.. (Miracle worker)
IRONY: is having the Chairman of an Okada Association driving a Range Rover Sports.. (Classic 419)
STUPIDITY: is having six cars while living in a rented apartment.. (Lagos mumu)
WISDOM: is dating your landlord's daughter.. (Over sabi)
FOOLISHNESS: is taking a N5,000 cab to watch a film of N1,000.. (Mugu! Why not wait for the pirated copy)
STINGINESS: is when you finish reading this and you don't share ur comment with us..............
WEALTH: is when you buy a 1st class return ticket to the UK just to pick up a dress..(Money speaking)
TROUBLE: is slapping a soldier in front of quarter guard in a barracks.. (Other people will tell the story on ur behalf)
FAITH: is using the last money on you to buy a wallet.. (Miracle worker)
IRONY: is having the Chairman of an Okada Association driving a Range Rover Sports.. (Classic 419)
STUPIDITY: is having six cars while living in a rented apartment.. (Lagos mumu)
WISDOM: is dating your landlord's daughter.. (Over sabi)
FOOLISHNESS: is taking a N5,000 cab to watch a film of N1,000.. (Mugu! Why not wait for the pirated copy)
STINGINESS: is when you finish reading this and you don't share ur comment with us..............
LIST OF NEWSPAPER IN NIGERIA
They have attacked THISDAY newspaper
office to prove that there is no DAILY TRUST for security in all COMPASS.
THE NATION is in fear, weeping at her reflection on the MIRROR because she has no confidence in the LEADERSHIP of the land. According to the NEWSWATCH and P.M. NEWS, Boko haram beckoned an OBSERVER that watch the bombing to TELL MAGAZINE producers to be INDEPENDENT in their BUSINESS HALLMARK in order to change the PEOPLES DAILY lives....
An eye witness who saw the suicide bomber near the DAILY TIMES newspaper a day before the incident has turn to a DAILY CHAMPION on a BUSINESS DAY.
However, the Boko haram knew that she had a GUARDIAN who was also her VANGUARD. She believes in God despite the PUNCH on her faces, and as the DAILY SUN rises, so will God rise against them and make her TRIUMPH.
My fellow friends on facebook God is our TRIBUNE and let's up to see a NEW NIGERIAN.
THE NATION is in fear, weeping at her reflection on the MIRROR because she has no confidence in the LEADERSHIP of the land. According to the NEWSWATCH and P.M. NEWS, Boko haram beckoned an OBSERVER that watch the bombing to TELL MAGAZINE producers to be INDEPENDENT in their BUSINESS HALLMARK in order to change the PEOPLES DAILY lives....
An eye witness who saw the suicide bomber near the DAILY TIMES newspaper a day before the incident has turn to a DAILY CHAMPION on a BUSINESS DAY.
However, the Boko haram knew that she had a GUARDIAN who was also her VANGUARD. She believes in God despite the PUNCH on her faces, and as the DAILY SUN rises, so will God rise against them and make her TRIUMPH.
My fellow friends on facebook God is our TRIBUNE and let's up to see a NEW NIGERIAN.
PRESIDENT GOODLUCK
MOTHER: Son I'm sorry I slept with
someone that is not your dad 23 years ago.
And that person is your real father.
SON: Mum, what rubbish! How am I
going to deal with this?! You should be hanged.
MOTHER: I am sorry he was my first
love and i could not marry him, coz He was A̶̲̥̅̊ christian α̲̅πϑ I'm A̶̲̥̅̊
Muslim,
He is on the phone at the moment and
wants to speak with his son for the first time ever.
SON: No I am speaking to no one. Mr
OWOLABI is the only father i know.
MOTHER: Please don't be so upset,
Just talk to him.
SON: Ok, Give M̶̲̅ε̲̣̣̣̥ D̶̲̥̅̊
phone & let M̶̲̅ε̲̣̣̣̥ just talk with that idiot, Rubbish!!!!
PHONE: Good Morning my Son, I am
President Goodluck your real father.
SON: Which Goodluck????
PHONE: Τ̲̅ђƎ President
SON: ℓ̊ know Dad! ℓ̊ just wanna hear
it from your mouth my lovely Dad "ℓ̊ have really MISS U̶̲̥̅̊ Dad.....Pls
don't mind this foolish woman dat left U̶̲̥̅̊ just bcoz of Religion......pls
when A̶̲̥̅̊я̲̣̥ε̲̣̣̣̥ U̶̲̥̅̊ coming to take M̶̲̅ε̲̣̣̣̥ to Aso Rock?
DAD: No oh!!!! We don't have Aso
rock here...we only have Aso chair which ℓ̊ always sit on been D̶̲̥̅̊ President
of ibeke Village Farmers Association.
SON: Ibeke what?????????